The block I didn't see coming

[marchnogirl]

When I started writing I was so naive and free and happy. I had no followers, no expectations, I just wrote for the sake of it.
Sometimes I miss that feeling, but now it looks like I can't help but constantly thinking "what will my readers think of this one? Maybe I shouldn't write it" and that really sent me into a spiral of negative thoughts. 

I used to see posts about writer blocks and I used to think that I'd be prepared for it; I knew it would come and I'd welcome it knowing it would pass. What a big pile of bullshit XD Here it is, the block, in all its glory, telling me I won't be able to write a single word again and it suuuuucks.

I know the theory, that it will go way, but damn, right now I look around myself and feel like there's no more space for me, I double-doubt every plot that comes to my mind, every word I try to write... I... it's hard. And I'd want to rant but all the new people in fandom are like I was at the beginning, so happy and carefree and I don't want to... I don't know, be the old lady who vents and brings everyone down? 

Oh boy. I feel weird in fandom right now... just leaving this here, hoping the more I'll talk about this the faster it will go away....❤️

Comments

[gracerene]

We've all been there!! It's definitely no fun to be in the thick of it, but in my experience, it's kind of one of those things you just have to wait out. Personally (and these things won't work for everybody!) but I find reading really, really excellent fic for my pairing can help reignite my feels. I also find it harder to get into the swing of writing after a long pause, so when I'm trying to ramp back up I force myself to write every single day, regardless of how I'm feeling. It doesn't have to be for long, I don't have any WC goal, and the words generally suck and will need to be edited or just trashed entirely once I edit, but just building that routine and momentum helps.

Getting caught up in potential reception is a much harder beast to tackle! For me, being a multi-shipper, I find the best way to work through that is to focus more on writing rare pairs for awhile, because I find most of that headspace is really tied up with Drarry, so writing a rare pair that I already know isn't going to have the same massive audience tends to free me up a bit. But it's definitely a thing that I still struggle with, and I don't really have great advice other than time and practice!

[marchnogirl]

Oh my god, thank you so much for your reply. I'm late replying back, but I've had quite the crazy past couple of months. And the block isn't finished at all, but at least one big part of it (my graduation) is over now! I feel more light-hearted now, thought when I try to write I feel blocked even if I have the idea and I like it ;-;

Your advice is precious though: I find that, just as you, reading helps me a lot. I had difficulties finding a fic really inspiring though, as if the block was extending a bit over the entire aspect of fandom... I've finally found a fic which hooked me up, though, and I think I feel a little bit more inspired?

As for writing for other pairings, I think you're right and I'd like to try that as well! Do you have maybe some prompt for me? Just for fun! Thank you so much again❤️

[gracerene]

I'd be happy to prompt you, but I'm not totally sure what you ship outside of Drarry! Today's Harry's birthday, and there's a little celebration going on over at harrypotter_birthdayparty! Maybe you could try writing a quick drabble for Harry pairing that doesn't involve Draco for that? Or even something gen. Something birthday related, perhaps? Totally just a suggestion! I'm also happy to give you something less time-specific. <3

[marchnogirl]

Thank you so much, gracerene! I couldn't do something in time for Harry's birthday but I was thinking about cross gen (I love Harry/Scorpius or Draco/Albus, Draco/James or Harry/Teddy etc etc).

[gracerene]

Weeeellll, if you wanted to look at the HP Next Gen Fests prompts and see if any of those cross gen prompts grabbed your eye (we've got several for all of those pairings), I hear the mods are SUPER cool and chill.... ;)

[magpie_fngrl]

As someone who's had writer's block a gazillion times, I sympathise with you. I've read a great article about it recently that, in short, said that "writer's block" is the wrong term, it's better to think of it as "struggling to write" bc it's not an external thing (a block) but an internal one. Instead of waiting for it to pass you might be better off figuring out where it stems from.

To me, what you're experiencing sounds like the burden of expectations that comes with followers and a readership. I remember the perfect joy I had while writing my first couple of fics, when no one knew me, when I had no drarry followers or even a drarry blog, and it seems like a different reality. Knowing that there are readers out there who loved one or more of your stories actually makes it so much harder to write: what if they hate this new story? It's a pressure that no one really talks about, but it's very real.

The other thing you might be suffering from (and I've also experienced it) is getting too influenced by social media culture, esp tumblr. There was a time that I'd read a lot of meta and discussed writing aspects or tropes. I was constantly on social media, absorbing all these opinions people had, or even rants they made, about stories, and it completely stifled my creativity. Bc of Tumblr and twitter and discord, I second-guessed every creative choice I made, worried that someone would take offence of this characterisation or that plot point, worried that my ideas were derivative or that they were too controversial, too anxious to let myself loose. This is only a guess, you might not be suffering from this, but at least this has an easy solution: stay off the social media. It's one of the reasons I stopped using tumblr.

I hope it passes soon. It sucks when it happens, and it has a myriad causes. Sometimes it's just fatigue, other times reasons like the above, other times burnout. Figure out what's stopping you, tell your doubts to f**k off, take some time off, read some cool books, and don't force it. Words will come again and they'll be better than before, I promise :)

[marchnogirl]

Awww, mag, I'm sorry I'm replying so late but I had the craziest months. You're so right, about like everything ahahah
I have both anxiety over the expectations I think 'followers' and a 'readership' (I put them in quotation marks because I'm not that famous but still I have a small amount of readership) have on me is pressuring, honestly.
And YES to the social media influence. I've started chatting less about tropes and headcanons because I found it lessened my inspiration and imagination, if that makes sense.

Thank you so much for sharing with me your thoughts and advice, it was very important to me to see I'm not the only one living this.❤️

[pauraque]

I think this is a really common thing to feel! When you start in fandom and nobody knows you, that can be very freeing -- you have nothing to lose if you write something that doesn't go over well. But once people do know you, it's hard not to feel self-conscious and get caught up wondering what others will think of your new work. I've been in fandom for 20 years and I still feel like that sometimes. You're not alone! I think it's just the flip side of coming to value your place in the community. When you value something, sometimes you may worry about losing it.

[marchnogirl]

WOW! 20 years! THat's fascinating, I can only hope I will have the strength and will to stick around so long.
You're an inspiration❤️. Thank you for yours words. I hope it will pass soon T_T

[malenkayacherepakha]

For me it definitely get's harder to just sit down and write the more time I spend in fandom, the reception matters so much more, it's really easy to get swayed by fandom trends, and then there's the disappointment when you see other people with their hype squads and your fic doesn't get a great reception.

My writer's block is definitely worse when I'm burned out on fandom, when sitting down and writing kind of puts me in a bad mood because it reminds me of all the other stuff that comes with fandom. Sometimes taking a break is the best way to fix it, even if it's a break where you just read a lot of fic to keep your mind focused on good writing and the characters.

Here is a pretty safe place to have those vents if you don't feel like you can on discord (and you can always message me ofc) - I think most of us have been in the exact same place as you! There's absolutely space for you in fandom, and I hope all the support you've had over the past few days shows just how much people value having you here - I know I do!

For the actual writer's block, sometimes it helps me to chat to someone else about the fic, let their excitement about it spur mine on. It doesn't necessarily fix the wider issues with fandom but it can help with one individual fic if you need to get it written.

❤❤❤❤

[marchnogirl]

Thank you hun, we discussed the topic at lenght and I always value your support so much.❤️

[digthewriter]

Sometimes the best thing a person can do it get out of their own head space. I remember feeling really down in the dumps in fandom (like a year maybe 1.5 years ago?) it had nothing to do with anything in particular but really just my head space was not good and it wasn't really a writer's block - so not similar to you - but it was a lack of motivation, feeling depressed, and just really like not feeling good, at all. And I watched like 3 seasons on Brooklyn 99 in a weekend.

It was the best thing I could do for myself. I stayed on my sofa, didn't turn on the computer, and just like legit binge watched a show I had no clue what it was about.

Everyone gets in their own way, for sure, when it comes to things like this (and not things that we can blame on white supremacy, however, 45 becoming president was a big downer for me for months and months and I couldn't write to save my life - that we can blame on white supremacy... lol i am going off topic.)

But, I wish you well, and think of ways where you're not doing any writing, not even thinking about it, so when you're back on that laptop or phone, you're ready to tackle.

It might also help to turn off fandom social media. B/c w/out your own knowledge, it adds on the stress and burden of lack of motivation.

Take care,
DIG.

[marchnogirl]

Thank you so much for your words, dig. You're right, sometimes our head simply needs the break. I'm still in the depths of the block, but I'm trying to think it doesn't mean I won't write anymore in my life!